There Is No Longer Any Such Thing as a Typical Family

Ben Carpenter, 32, is a full-time dad and lives in Huddersfield with his iv adopted children Jack, eight, Blood-red, 5, Lily, three, and Joseph, nine months.*

He says: "I recall vividly the first time I felt like a proper dad.

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Ben with his children: He e'er had a stiff paternal instinct and looked into adopting his first child when he was 21

It was a few weeks later Jack came to live with me in 2010, and he savage while playing in the garden.

I scooped him up and gave him a hug. A surge of intense love swept over me, and right then I knew how information technology felt to be a parent.

When I was little, I played with dolls and told anyone who'd listen I wanted to be a dad one twenty-four hour period.

I don't know why, I just had a potent paternal instinct.

As a 21-year-erstwhile single gay man, I didn't intendance about having a biological child and then never considered surrogacy or having a baby with a friend.

Ben Carpenter, 32

For me, adoption was the just fashion I could get a father, but I knew it wouldn't be like shooting fish in a barrel.

I didn't earn lots of coin and I rented my home.

I wanted to adopt a kid with boosted needs because I knew from the work I'd done as a carer that they're often overlooked.

I realised that would make things harder, because the bar for adopting children similar that is even college.

My mum Rita, 53, was supportive, simply openly said she didn't recall I had a adventure for all the aforementioned reasons.

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He knew it would exist a hard process but, 3 and a half years later, Ben was finally matched with Jack (top middle) - a three-year-old with autism and OCD

Information technology took 3 and a one-half years of paperwork, home visits and interviews, but finally in 2010 I was approved and matched with Jack, a three twelvemonth old with autism and OCD, who had been in foster care since he was a babe.

The outset dark I tucked him into bed was surreal and, if I'm honest, daunting.

I'd assumed I would instantly feel similar a dad, merely as any adopter will tell you, it's not similar that.

I was overwhelmed by the realisation that this kid was completely dependent on me.

Information technology took a few weeks to get used to looking later on someone 24/7 and being chosen 'Daddy'.

Merely the day he grazed his knee in the garden, something clicked inside me.

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Two years after in 2012, Ben wanted some other kid and, before long after, sisters Ruby (who has foetal booze syndrome, epilepsy and learning difficulties) and Lily (who is deaf) joined the family

In 2012 I decided I'd like to adopt once again – I wanted Jack to have a sibling and I felt I could be a single dad to a bigger family.

In March 2013, Ruby, then two, became my girl, and was followed a yr later by her biological sister Lily, then 14 months.

Ruby-red has foetal alcohol syndrome, epilepsy and learning difficulties, while Lily is profoundly deaf.

This twelvemonth I adopted Joseph, who has Down syndrome, when he was three months erstwhile.

I'm non interested in a relationship – I expect to exist a single dad for the rest of my life and I'm happy about that.

My children are my globe.

My mum lives with us and then she helps with the children, who adore their grandmother.

Between school runs, housework and family time, life is busy but and then fulfilling.

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Ben knows he is viewed with suspicion but insists parenting is almost love, fun and stability non a person'south sexuality and relationship status

The children know they're adopted and when they're older I will support them in every way if they want to meet their birth parents.

Sadly, I've experienced negativity. Some people have said they believe that children should have a mum and a dad.

And I'thousand not bullheaded to the reactions when people realise I'yard gay.

I know they view a human like me with suspicion. Only they're just modest-minded.

It's 2016, there's no such matter as a 'typical' family any more than.

I promise when people come across how devoted I am to my children, they realise that parenting is almost love, fun and stability, non well-nigh your gender, sexuality or relationship status.

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There are men out in that location desperate to be dads, but considering they're single they think it'south incommunicable. I've shown that doesn't have to be the example."

*Names have been changed.

And this inspiring dad is raising two teens alone subsequently his divorce...

John Marney, 46, is a retail assistant and lives in Essex with his children Harriet, 18, and Fletcher, 13.

He says: " One of the hardest things about being a single dad is the assumption a man can't do as good a job as a woman.

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John with his daughter Harriet and son Fletcher: He's been a single dad for seven years and says he has to fight the stereotype that men tin't do as skilful a task every bit a woman

I've been fighting that stereotype ever since my children came to live with me in 2009.

I'd wanted to heighten my kids in a traditional family unit, but it didn't work out that style.

I was married to my ex-wife for about 12 years. We had our ups and downs, and the terminal few years were very tempestuous.

After we divorced in 2008, information technology was decided that it would be better if the children lived with me full-time.

Knowing they had been through so much disruption already, I accept always resolved to do my very all-time on my own.

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The kids were ten and half-dozen when they came to live with him so John quit work for a few years to requite them stability and back up

Harriet was just 10 and Fletcher was six when they came to live with me, and then I gave up piece of work for a few years to devote myself to looking subsequently them, and we lived on benefits.

It wasn't easy, only I felt information technology was more than important for me to be at home at that fourth dimension.

Fortunately, I'd ever been very domesticated, so that side of things has never fazed me.

I was used to preparing meals, doing the laundry and cleaning, and I've always enjoyed making our home comfy.

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John has e'er been domesticated and is now a dab manus at plaits and ponytails!

I'm also a dab hand at plaits and ponytails, and I can concur my own in conversations about Xbox games, One Management and the best brand of hair straighteners!

When y'all're a single parent yous can't pick and choose your responsibilities – it'due south all down to you.

I talked to Harriet about periods, and bought germ-free products for her.

I took her to the GP for advice about contraception when she started a relationship recently. I think she was more than embarrassed than me!

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John has talked to his daughter virtually periods and contraception and says it'south all part of being a parent

I just see information technology as role of my parental duty and don't mind at all. I'll exercise the same for Fletcher when he'due south older.

At kickoff, when I met other parents – usually mums – at the school gates, I'd observe the raised eyebrows when I explained I was a unmarried dad.

I'm certain information technology set tongues wagging behind my back, but it didn't bother me.

I've had one short-term relationship since I got divorced, but information technology just didn't piece of work out.

It was aught to do with me having kids, we simply weren't correct for one some other.

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John is fully defended to his kids and doesn't want a relationship until they take grown up - even if he does miss adult conversation sometimes when they've gone to bed

And after that I decided to stay single until the children accept grown up considering I want to give them all my attending.

I have been on a few dates, but I'm non looking for anything serious, even though I do sometimes miss adult chat when the kids have gone to bed.

I get positive reactions from women when I tell them I'm a unmarried dad.

They seem to admire the fact that I can manage on my own, but I don't really concur with that.

I'one thousand no more than or less capable than a single mum – we're all just trying our best.

John Marney, 46

Social club can view unmarried mums and dads negatively at times.

The mums are looked down on equally if information technology's their fault they've ended upward with no partner, while as a dad at that place's a suspicion yous're depriving a adult female of her family.

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They call themselves The Three Amigos and John is and so proud of the people his children are growing into

The kids and I phone call ourselves The Three Amigos, and we really are the best of friends.

We've been through a lot together, and they recognise I'm on my own so never requite me any cause to worry.

I meet the wonderful people they're growing into and I feel proud that some of that is downward to me."

Visit Adoption UK, Widowed and Young, Dads Firm.

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Source: https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1295341/theres-no-such-thing-as-a-typical-family-meet-the-single-dad-whos-adopted-four-kids-with-additional-needs/

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